Three Years

Side Note: I wrote this just after Easter but was unable to post it due to being locked out of our account for various reasons (ahhh, Africa).  Finally got things sorted out last week!

Three years.  It feels like such a milestone.  And yet, I actually almost forgot about it.  Because this year, the anniversary of our arrival in South Africa fell on Easter Sunday.  The day we boarded a plane, leaving family, friends, and all things familiar was (this year) Good Friday.  And the day in between, a mid-air blur of grief and anticipation, when we were neither here nor there but somewhere in the middle, was Saturday. The symbolism here does not escape me friends.  But I didn’t have time to dwell on the remembering like I normally would. We were busy. Caught up in the activities of our life here and the traditions of Easter. Remembering, instead, the sacrifice and celebration that is Easter; the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ our Savior. In fact, it wasn’t until my dearest friend posted a memory of our leaving home that I stopped, did the math, and wide-eye remembered.  HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN OUR 3 YEAR ANNIVERSARY?!?!  In the blink of an eye all the memories and emotions surrounding that time came flooding in, and I was sad.  Sad for all we’ve missed over the last three years.   
Sad for memories we haven’t made, the people we haven’t seen, the events we haven’t been a part of.   
Sad for the part of our world that keeps moving even though we’re not there…and it can be overwhelming to feel all of that.  
It can feel like too much of a sacrifice for me to make.

But then I remembered, again, God and the sacrifice He made in sending us his Son.  Any sacrifices that we have made pale, PALE, in comparison to the sacrifice Jesus made for me. Without His ultimate sacrifice-- his willingness to lay down his life and die on the cross the death meant for me, so that I might receive the gift of living in relationship with Him and his Father, now and forever-- I wouldn’t be able to choose to sacrifice anything.  Sacrifice is always a gift if given rightly. 

Romans 12:1 says “Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship.” (CSB)  Other translations call it our “reasonable” act of worship.  In view of all God has done to rescue me from my sin, to redeem my life from Satan, to reverse my eternity in hell, offering myself as living sacrifice is not only my reasonable response--it’s both the least and most I can do. The gift I think I’m giving turns out to be an even better gift that I receive.  It’s only in laying down the life we think we have that we find the life we’re meant to have.

The more I thought about this the better I felt. This anniversary the story of Jesus overshadowed our story! It turns out, my forgetting was actually the fruit of a prayer that I’ve been praying for the last year.  It signified some heart change that I’ve been asking the Lord make in the areas of contentment and joy.  And in that moment of forgetful remembering I was no longer sad, but so so grateful. 
Grateful for how far the Lord has brought me. 
Grateful for his abundant grace poured out in my life.  
Grateful for his unending mercies, new every morning. 
His work in and through me is ongoing, intimate and deeply relational.  Jesus began a good work in me when he saved me and he will carry on, transforming me into His image from the inside out by the power of his Holy Spirit, until the day I see him face to face.  What an amazing promise! The goal is always to look more like Christ.  To be overshadowed by Jesus. For His love and light to be the thing people ultimately see and remember.  I am no longer who I was, and not yet who I am becoming. Hallelujah!

I still have a long way to go.  The becoming is rarely easy, usually uncomfortable. Too often I get caught up in feeling sorry for myself, wishing I was there instead of here.  Wishing I had that instead of this. Wishing I was more instead of not enough. Too often I allow the enemy to influence my thoughts or take my gaze off Jesus.  I stumble and fall more often than I’d like to honestly admit.  But with Jesus there is always forgiveness when I ask for it. He offers grace and mercy when I don’t deserve it. He is always the strength overcoming my weaknesses. He is always the peace that smothers my doubt. He is always the more than enough that fills the gaps of my less than.  To everything that I am not, he is always the “I AM.”

And he longs to be that for you too.  Always.  My Jesus is a patient pursuer. Turn to him with the things that weigh you down so he can lift them off you. Give him your mud and your messes.  And he will give you all of himself.  He will make you a new creation and give you a Kingdom purpose.  Trust me, it’s a good exchange.

Three years.  It IS a milestone.  But it is just the beginning.  There is so much more God wants to do in me and through me, wherever He leads. My job is just to listen, say, “Yes” and stay in his shadow.
--Carolynn